Day 38: Room with a View

Sleep took hold of me for ten hours last night. I think the drugs helped too. My choice of books to read has been perfect. Haruki Murakami's 'What I Talk About When I Talk About Running' seems all very familiar to me, though Haruki never ever lower his standards to walking. Other than that I understand what he goes through training for events and keeping the routine of running every day.

The view from my hospital window is looking down at a garden designed for families to gather and even take a patient outside for a stroll. In my case, a place for the physio to walk me and I gain my balance again.The bird life is awesome and is a joy to watch especially at sunset. My mind switches to thinking about my daily routine, which not only included a morning walk but also about 2pm when I was at my lowest energy level I get out my yoga mat for 10 minutes of legs up the wall followed by Shavasana (corpse pose) for 15 - 20 minutes, then I'm energised again.

Being in a hospital has certainly given me time to write this journal and think. Is our true calling simply to find ourselves? Painting for me is part of that journey in finding myself and expressing through the medium of paint.

Day 37:

I've missed a day. Yesterday was a recovery day after the previous night's surgery. My whole focus was on finding my equilibrium and moving very carefully. Surgery was only 3 hours and all went well, my neck rebuilt with a bracket screwed into my vertebrae Yep, it's to be three months of careful strolling. I can see my focus will turn to Taiji.

Walking yesterday had the sensation of being on a boat, having to hold hand rails to stabilise myself, nurses helping to the toilet and waiting at the door. Naturally, I got stage fright and when I asked if they could whistle they didn't get the joke. This hospital is run with the efficiency and service of a 5-star hotel, including the food. It was also lovely having visitors bringing flowers, chocolates, colouring books, coconut water and a fancy "Get Well Soon" balloon, My walking today only consists of going to the bathroom and finding my balance.

Day 36: Strolling

Sometimes you do need to stop, or should I say pause? Yesterday's surgery went well to fix my neck. My focus is now on careful recovery with the surgeon suggesting I just stroll for the next 3 months. I wonder if I can just stroll 10km in December's Standard Charter Running Event?

Day 35:

 My reading material is packed. 'Walking for Peace', a true story of a woman's 13 months walk across 13 countries to Jerusalem. The story covers her walk on an ancient path known as the Way of the Soul. I've spent five years expounding the fact the Singapore National Library has every book I've wanted to read and this book was available, only to discover at collection time that it was in Chinese. So for once I've purchased a book with the intention that once read, I'll gift it to the library.  The other book is Haruki Murakami's 'What I talk about when I talk about running'.

This morning will be my last walk for a wee while but that won't stop me continuing with my journal. The 100 Days Project must go on!

Day 34:

While Sundays are about planning for the week ahead, Mondays for me are about getting off to a positive start with being up extra early and heading to the East Coast Park for a morning walk along the coastal walkway and watching the sun rise above the sea.

Day 33:

How do people do it! I'm sitting here trying to multitask, watch a television movie and write in my walking journal. Can Not Lah (as they say in Singapore). But which one to mute? Animation is such a wonderful fantasy world to float into. It's something I've loved all of my adult life, starting with a French film "Allegro Non Troppo".

Thinking about multi-tasking with walking. Now that's a different matter. One task not to do, simply because it annoys the shit out of me, is looking at a devil box while walking. Other than that I gather there are tasks that are mutually cooperative, like singing and walking, talking with a companion and walking, Looking, no seeing and walking is great. Other tasks like photography you need to stop. And what's my point I ask myself? Maybe I'm reminding myself I work best if I do one thing at a time, complete it then move on to the next, rather than jumping from one thing to another. I walk, then I get on with the next task for the day, it's as simple as that. Sometimes I need to work on the order I do these tasks, but one fact is that if the first one of the day is a walk, I'm much better off.

Day 32: Event Day

It's a special day with a 10km event this morning then another this evening with a fundraiser relay, each of us race-walking 5km plus some to achieve a half marathon distance. Besides receiving a medal at the finish line, there's that sense of achievement for showing up and completing the goal you had signed up for a couple of months prior. Though there is always the thought if I had only trained harder my time would have been better. That thought last less than a minute as I focus on how to celebrate and what race shall I enter next. I like a destination to aim for and these running events in Singapore are great. The only problem is that there is no walk category, which I'm certain discourages walkers from entering. I take a stand and only walk and in doing so get cheered on along the way, though I think it's more to do with my age than the fact that I'm walking.

I was definitely in need of  a siesta this afternoon but the universe decided otherwise with the reverberation of power tools in the apartment above. Who renovates a kitchen on a Saturday afternoon? A house in the burbs of Auckland; ok, but not downtown Singapore. Lucky the AB's weren't playing today otherwise, all hell would break loose by one very disgruntled man.

Of the many thoughts streaming through my noggin during the evening, 5km sprint was ideas of stamina, which I was lacking. Had the leg strength but none of that inner oomph one needs. The All Blacks came to mind and their extraordinary wide repertoire of skills and fitness for all. But their stamina is a wonderment. Then that thought: you just need to put more effort in, a bit like my studio practice. Show up, work hard. Whatever the dream, the vision, the destination, nothing is going to happen unless I get out there and make an effort, even if the effort is only to put on my walking shoes and go out the door each morning. the momentum will happen....speaking from experience and as usual, I'm talking to myself. (not that I listen that often being a pig-headed, stubborn wee lass).

Day 31:

I just did the Facebook "How many countries have you visited" test: it's 49. And there's been a lot of walking in many of these countries. What if I die? The weird thing is that it's ok. I've enjoyed my life, done a lot of walking, learnt a lot of lessons and I've been true to myself the whole way and that makes it all ok. It's surprising how a little drama in one's life changes everything...this is what happens when I don't walk. Melancholy keeps in and melancholy doesn't like walks.

Day 30:

a celebration of striding out

Day 29:

I remind myself that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Day 28:

At some ungodly time each morning I've been woken by the sound of thunder, followed by a torrent of rain. The city feels clean and my morning walks have been refreshing, walking in a light drizzle that lingers for a few hours.

This morning's walk is shared with my long time numero uno Singapore walking buddy and her house guest visiting from northern Australia. It can often be forgotten when travelling to take time out and simply take a walk, instead of plotting how to get from one tourist attraction to the next. Through fresh eyes, we were reminded how amazing our routine morning walk from the East Coast, over the Barrage and through the Gardens by the Bay is. It is spectacular and early morning is the best time (in my humble opinion) to enjoy it; cooler, fewer people, gardens are fresh and you're back home with plenty of time to prepare yourself for the rest of the day. Routine, routine.

My thoughts while walking alone have been consumed with what preparations I need to attend to before surgery next week so having company is a distraction to my chain of thoughts. What a blessing. My walking buddy is also a great taker of shadow photographs (when there is sunshine).

Day 27:

Boundaries: one being if it's raining, no need to walk. If I'm walking and it starts to rain, then continue walking. No walking if I have an earache. Today both apply. There's always the treadmill in the gym but so far I haven't needed to resort to that monotonous torture.

I was required to venture out and walk down Orchard Road late yesterday afternoon, something I try to avoid on a Sunday afternoon because the area is overrun by helpers (formally known as maids). Along with the usual male suspects who are there to goggle at the hundreds, if not thousands of helpers, many dressed up with the red lipstick and high heels, paired with a girlfriend and selfie stick in tow. Speed walking through this mass of people is near on impossible. it's a lesson in tolerance. I'm entertained by the groups of uber cool F1 enthusiasts exiting hotels in search of transport to the race venue. Their walking is a little staggered due to alcohol consumption. Maybe their female companions extreme high heels aren't the best shoes to wear, but the image comes first.

Back, thinking about today's weather; maybe the rain will clear later and I can walk.....sometime later.....yay! its fine and off I go. You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.

Day 26: What's going on?

 After reviewing my reminder list again, I have decided that this is a personal walking journal, I thought 'stuff it'. Journals are about streaming thoughts, letting them flow. Let it be uncensored to allow me to speak my mind. I'm booked in for neck surgery on Day 35. Fours hours in theatre to have my neck (spine) fixed. it means I wont be walking for some time, though I'm determined to continue with my 100 days project of writing in my journal every day. Should I ask a friend to walk for me? That sounds like a nice thing to do. The thought that someone is thinking of me while I'm having my throat cut feels comforting.

So I have that out of the way, lets focus back to walking. Walking is also great for anxiety. Walk it away. I shall make the most of walking in the coming week. I walked 11km of the MacRitchie Reservoir with friends today and once again was reminded how uplifting it is to leave the traffic sound of the city and get out in the bush, sweat a lot and get my walking shoes really muddy. Saying sorry to myself today that I can't be more uplifting with my words. I'll try better tomorrow.

Day 25:

walk  -  write  -  read   -  swim  -  sleep  -  eat  -  create  -  look  -  relax  -  breath  -  prepare  -  do

Day 24:

I'm still thinking about 'Making and Doing'. You make so you can do? You compose music so you can perform. You choreograph a dance so you may perform that dance? Which one is the important one? The creating or the presentation. With some visual artists, including painters, the important aspect of their practice is the making of the art, which perhaps could be classified as performance art, though more often the visual artist is alone in their studio. The more I think about it the more I'm confused. My performance is simply to walk with no hidden agenda. A performance by me, for me. Can that be art, does it need an audience to be art?

Day 23:

 My all time favourite contemporary dancer enthralled me last night, alongside a captivated audience with a dance/talk performance titled 'Making and Doing.' I admit I was in tears with the joy of being in his presence. His dialogue was one way and at times I wanted to put my hand up and disagree or question his reasoning. Most of his understanding of Singapore has come from talking to the dance community at Lasalle Art College. Fancy saying there is no poverty here. But I digress again from a journal about walking. As Bill spoke he walked and with moments of dance-like gestures conveyed much emotion through his recital of a poem, literature, song and personal thoughts. He said that if you're making you're also doing but if you're doing can you also be making. Perhaps that's true on a physical level. If I'm walking, the act of doing, am I also making, making what. All I'm doing is walking. Am I not making a better me by this doing? Is it necessary to always be focused on making? Sometimes is the simple act of doing enough?

On stage, he had given himself a set of parameters to work within. A formation for his walking was marked out on the stage, repeated as a geometric symbol on the back wall. And what does dance have to do with walking, besides Bill T. Jones including quite a bit in his performances? That's something to think about while I'm walking.

Day 22:

To tell the truth, the only walking I did today was to the hospital. No tree hugging for me today and very little desire to write about the joys of walking so I looked back at what I wrote at the beginning of this project as a referral note.

My Handy Hints List: [1] Keep the journal up to date [2] drink lots of water (that's in every list) [3] plan ahead with intention [4] remind myself along the way of the purpose/focus of this project [5] ditch the negative self-talk [6] no procrastination allowed [7] share [8] sleep at least 7 hours a night - aim for 8 [9] move ya body girl [10] Be consistent in all my efforts, small, consistent actions every day.

Day 21:

It's one task writing in my journal, as I'm still a pen and paper girl at heart, it's another thing transferring my journal thoughts to the 100 days site. I admit I cut a lot of the personal jibberish out. Yes, today I had a gorgeous 6km walk through the Botanical Gardens alone so I can up the pace to my natural level where the rhythm seems to be in tune with my thoughts. Runners must experience this, but I'm a walker. If there's any belief in Western  and Chinese astrology, I'm an Earth sign (Virgo), born in an Earth Year  and a Chinese Earth animal (Dog) born in a Chinese Earth Year. You can't get more grounded than that. Maybe that's why I've never been able to run. When I try to run it feels like some invisible stretchy glue isn't letting me part from my sacred earth connection.  Whatever, I'm just a very grounded person who loves to walk.

 the morning light is exquisite

Day 20:

For nine days each year I'm the same age as Mr. B, until today when he flips over to a number greater than mine. It's also a public holiday so the city is quieter this morning. I watched a great documentary yesterday, 'In Pursuit of Silence' which is part of the A Design Film Festival. The film covered a lot of information that I already knew, it simply reinforced my views on noise and the importance of spending quiet times away from it.

" Silence is where we seek something deeper than our lives."  Silence reconnects us with ourselves. It's not complete silence, it's being in the presence of nature's sounds like the  background sound of lapping waves, leaves rustling in the bush, bird song , the list goes on. But noise, the man-made polluting type, alienates us from ourselves, that is now a problem of epidemic proportions. It's time for me to get my nature fix and go for a walk.  Silence should be explored, not explained and so with walking.

Day 19:

Walking. Why? Because I need to. It's my backstop, my support system, my anchor. It used to be gardening but for me, it's now apartment living in the middle of a city. Add-ons of Taiji and swimming give balance but the stability always starts with walking. Walking is easy, effortless, just put some shoes on and walk out the door. There's only so much I can do each day. I've never been one for having a balanced life, day in, day out. I like the dance-like rhythm of the ups and downs I experience each day. I know that for every low the graph will show a high. And through all this, I walk, my sweet obsession.

Day 18: Liffe is good

Another lovely day for walking as the morning has washed away the city grime with a great thunderstorm. I waited until the rain had diminished to just a light sprinkling of misty raindrops and headed to the Botanical Gardens knowing it would be fairly empty of visitors. there were no activities groups including yoga, taiji, boot camp or Qi Gong. Also no family gatherings, no children screaming.

I mention children screaming as it seems to be condoned in public spaces as a means for a child to get attention. This goes beyond the squeals of delight. Scream in your own back yard but not near me in nature. It's serious noise pollution and alarming to my nervous system....in my written journal I go on a bit about stupid parenting which I won't repeat here :)

Today's walk was shared with my sweetheart which always makes for a pleasant experience, as I introduced him to the boardwalk which winds its way through an undulating section of bush. Life is good.

Day 17: Composure

I'm writing before I head out for my daily walk. I stayed up late last night sorting and filing photographs on the computer...an ongoing task which needs to be kept up to date, a lot like this 100 days project. If I'm not asleep  by 10pm my mind wakes up again and will stay alert until 1 or 2 am but I'm really screwed the next day as Bruce wakes at 5:30am. Though being awake in the wee hours I heard is a time you're closer to your dream state which in turn is excellent for creative thinking.

My walk is eagerly awaited as I know my thoughts will be on my medical test results which I received yesterday. There's a lot to take in and walking always puts things in perspective. Time to reflect and time to plan. A time to compose myself for my journey ahead.

Day 16:

I walk to learn more about myself.

Chuck close is right about needing the help of others. For me, this project requires the support from companions to snap the occasional photo of my shadow. There's only so many selfies I can do. Step up and ask (this is me talking to myself) and ask. The worst thing that can happen is nothing. They can't or won't help so there's no harm done, though more likely help will be given. That's how I learn and advance myself and others on a social level too. In turn, I like to help wherever possible. Considering this I suppose a collaboration is a symbiotic help.

Day 15:

Weekly routines revolve partly around making contact with people, as I no longer have that 'going to work contact' which I had in New Zealand. It's a Wednesday so I head to the East Coast to exercise with my Walkie Talkie girlfriends. It's fairly obvious what we do for an hour.  I need to be out the door at 6:30am for a 45-minute journey to collect my bike or continue walking and head along the East Coast park for some 3 km for the gathering at 8am. Today we are walking in the rain, which is never cold but a difficult situation to socialise in. So we head to a cafe to wait out the rain.

I love my weekly routines where every day is different, the same principle of walking, it's just that each day is a different scenario. Though I admit I do miss the old routine from when I lived in the coastal town of Oakura, where I walked Monday to Friday with a girlfriend as dedicated to walking as much as me, same circuit, same time, just throw in a swim once or twice a week, all year round.  I'm reminded the one rule was if it was raining before the start of the walk we were allowed to stay in bed instead. Good rule.

I realise I have a lot of activities that put me in touch with people. It's easy to become too withdrawn. I need that balance. A creative solitude with add-ons of walking and social relationships.

Day 14: Letting Go

It's weird what thoughts surface while walking. This morning I asked myself if I could go back and be born again who would I want to be. Myself, of course, a healthy version, so my childhood wasn't concerned about always being physically unwell or at times my whole being merely focused on staying alive. As the imagination developed an image of a radiant me with supreme physical health I realised how wrong those thoughts were. Let it go, Let it go I called out much to the surprise of passerby's. It's a mantra that seems to work for me. Time to come back to the moment and enjoy being me, in the moment, walking.

The big "what if" scenario of "what if I had been inspired/motivated in Singapore for the past 5 years?" creeps into my thinking. Move on and learn from this experience. It's been a huge lesson.
[1] I need a studio, a personal space that's just for my art. Not a spare bedroom that gets converted back to a bedroom when visitors stay.
[2] You  gotta show up to work and do art, simply show up, like walking every day. Make it a routine.

In his video 'A Note to Younger Self' Chuck Close outlines eight perfect rules for living:

Never let anyone define what you are capable of by using parameters that don’t apply to you.

Virtually everything I’ve done is influenced by my learning disabilities.

Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work. Every great idea I’ve had grew out of work itself.

Sign on to a process and see where it takes you. You don’t have to invent the wheel every day. Today you’ll do what you did yesterday; tomorrow you’ll do what you did today. Eventually, you will get somewhere.

No one gets anywhere without help. Mentors…can make you feel special even when you are failing in other areas. Everyone needs to feel special.

I learned very early in life that the absolute worst thing can happen to you and you will get past it and you will be happy again.

If you’re overwhelmed by the size of a problem, break it down to make bite-size pieces.

There’s always someone worse off than you.

Day 13:

Day 12: Race Day

Today's walk organised walk (run for most people) is an annual event supporting the Yellow Ribbon Project which brings awareness and acceptance of reintegrating ex-offenders into society. I like to walk an event with purpose and I support what this organisation is doing. We also finish the race in Singapore's Changi Prison and get a medal....wish is the carrot at the end of the stick. One rule  I've adhered to is to not drink alcohol the night before a race, be it a 10km like today's event or a half marathon at 21km. It was my birthday yesterday so that non-drinking concept went out the window with the consumption of a large quantity of frozen Margaritas. Ole!

At today's event, I walked with my sweetheart at his slower pace. I actually enjoyed myself as I switched from aiming at a fast time and seeing how many runners I could pass walking to enjoying the company and noticing my surroundings. there was even time for shadow photography.
Race events have been part of my life for the past 25 years and as I look back

I realise it was my brother who started me walking. Work had consumed me and I was very unfit. Brother Martin  would walk me through Parks, along bush tracks and around sports fields. I remember tripping on a tree root once and was told the sound of me falling was like a bag of cement being dropped. Sadly I had to agree. Funny the events that are stuck in my head. The cement sound is one of then.

Day 11: Birthday Girl

Day 10:

It's a flight back to Singapore today and the task of typing in parts of my walking journal to 100 days project and sifting through the photos. Fortunately, this trip to the jungle of Borneo has included much walking and hiking, step climbing, along with cave exploring and a long boat ride up a river. The experience of being in a tropical jungle is inspiring and I sucked it all up. As I walked I could feel the inspiration soaking into the very core of my being, circulating  within my life force and making it stronger. My nerves are soothed with a rest from the noise of Singapore. That's what I love about walking, it's often the only means to take you to new places and new experiences that rejuvenate the being.

Day 9: